Lack of Knowledge, Immaturity or Worse?

Dear Dave,

My girlfriend and I have been dating seriously for a little over a year. We’re both 28, and I know I love her, but there’s something that worries me. She’s very smart, but at the same time, she’s not very responsible with money. I know that no one is perfect, but sometimes she’ll get behind on her bills in order to do things like buy clothes or go to concerts. How should I approach talking to her and explaining my concern about this? I’d like to ask her to marry me sometime next year.

Lincoln

Dear Lincoln,

Congratulations on finding the lady you want to marry! I’m also glad you’re looking at things from a mature point of view where the future is concerned.

Dating is fun. And marriage is wonderful, when you’ve found the right person to spend your life with. But there’s something I want you to keep in mind. In a marriage, real life shows up in a hurry. That’s why it’s so important that couples be on the same page when it comes to their lives together, their hopes and dreams—and their finances. Unexpected things can arise that make life hard, even when you’re with someone you love.

If I were you, I’d move slowly and see if she starts showing some signs of getting her spending under control. To be honest, her financial behavior is pretty immature right now. Sometimes when folks act this way, it’s just a phase. Or, it’s a case where they weren’t taught how to properly manage money when they were younger.

If this is the case here, I’d recommend talking to her about it gently, explaining your concern and maybe introducing her to the idea of living on a monthly budget. If you’re already doing this, it would be the perfect opportunity to demonstrate how it works for you, and how it would make handling finances as a couple easier in the future. That way, once she understands the process—and the value of having a plan for spending money on paper before the month begins—it will be easier for her to stick to it.

But if it doesn’t work, and this way of living turns out to be a character flaw, I promise you it will cause issues later on. And those issues will begin to cloud every other aspect of your relationship.

Best of luck, Lincoln. God bless you both!

Dave